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I’ve been living a lie

June 3, 2012
tags: , ,

Let’s talk about boobs. Tatas. Chesticles. Breasts. Love pillows. Whatever makes you feel most comfortable.

Open my “intimates drawer,” and my bras look like they’ve been to hell and back. I have a couple “special occasions” bras that let’s just say have collected some dust (even when you’re in a relationship, those things are just so damn uncomfortable, am I right?), a few go-to straplesses in boring beige, and a few clearance Kohl’s bras that I’ve held onto since “Dawson’s Creek” was on the air. They each have something about them that bothers me — too bright (can see them through light blouses), too much texture (can see them through any blouse). So I wear the same two bras throughout the week, basically. This is pretty appalling, I guess, but I think this is a pretty common routine for most women.

Although I know a couple of them are definitely too small, the $50+ price tags at Victoria’s Secret have always turned me off. And if the ones I have are just fine, what’s the rush? I’m my mother’s daughter; I’ll wear/use things until I absolutely cannot anymore.

How do you know in your 20s when you’re supposed to do things like this? I know when it’s time to buy a new shower curtain, new sheets. But a new sports bra? New jeans? I’ll hold onto these until they’re tattered. I don’t know the rules.

All of my bras are 34Bs. At some point in college I decided this size sounded about right for my height and weight, and they fit okay. So that’s what my collection consists of. Picking through the B-cup sale bin at Victoria’s today, a saleswoman (they are persistent as hell, aren’t they?) asked me if I’d be interested in a fitting. I wasn’t in a rush, and realized I’d never actually been fitted before, so why not? Enlighten me, Denise.

“How does this feel?” She said a few times. Good, whatever. I’m probably a 34B, maybe a C, I told her. A few more tugs and twists, and she hands me my “most flattering fit” card. I nearly spit out my coffee.

Excuse me?!

I told her she had to be wrong and to please remeasure. “Honey, I promise,” she said.

I don’t look like a D cup, though! She then went on to tell me that so many women are wearing the wrong bra size based on what they think they look like. I don’t have cleavage. My sister has always been the big-chested one (and thus, how our personalities were likely shaped). I’ve been living my life as a B, a C maybe after a few drinks. I learned from Denise that women often neglect the “side boob” weight that gets pushed up in the cup, which apparently makes me a D. Thanks for the proportional spread, Mother Nature.

She handed me a 32D in the “demi” style, and I’ll be damned, it fits me perfectly. I’m in shock.

So, I thanked Denise for this new fashion epiphany, and purchased the $42 demi in coral, as well as a few pairs of hiphuggers (“panties” is my least favorite word in the dictionary) that were on sale. I plan on going to TJMaxx to get a few more in my new size for much less than $42 each, and I’m throwing away the Kohl’s too-tiny bras forever.

I’m having flashbacks to Oprah’s pivotal “bra and jean intervention” episode as I say that, when women discard all of their ill-fitting bras and joyously exhaled with their new comfortable and free love pillows. Somehow I remember crying at the end of it, as Oprah always managed to do to me.

In other news, summer has arrived in New York, and I’ve been savoring bright colors, especially in easy-throw-on-and-go dresses. My nails are currently neon orange, and I’ve been ignoring a lot of my all-black ensembles, which is out of character for me. I want bright, brighter, brightest of everything right now.

Zou bisou bisou, I know. (Thrifted at Buffalo Exchange, $10)

Do yourself a favor this summer and get yourself a fitting next time you’re in an intimates store. We wear these constricting things every single day, why not be absolutely positive you’re wearing the most comfortable one possible? Do it, do it!

7 Comments leave one →
  1. June 3, 2012 8:07 pm

    I had this same epiphany last summer! I spent college shopping VS Semi-Annual sales. I would ask to be fitted, and my size was always a 36D and I went with it even though I was sure it wasn’t my true size. Last summer I finally decided to get a real fitting and found that my 36Ds were really DDD/E. The only thing I can think of is VS didn’t have bras that big (at the time– I think they sell DDD now), so they just capped me off with a D. Lesson learned! I will always pay the big bucks for the right size!

    • Jenny permalink*
      June 3, 2012 8:13 pm

      Wow! It’s insane, right? I can’t believe I have been wearing the wrong size (two cups too small, at that) for years.

  2. June 4, 2012 10:45 am

    I’ve never been fitted either, but since I can wear most strapless dresses braless, I’m sure my 34As are pretty close to correct. Most of my “real life” bras are two years old and I never know when to replace them. Maybe when the wire starts coming out and pokes me in the chest? Sports bras are a different story– I can tell then they’re just too stretched out and not supportive for even my almost-flat chest that it’s time to toss them. Lucky for me, having a small chest means I don’t have to shell out lots of $$$ for new ones. Most Target cheapies work just fine!

    • Jenny permalink*
      June 4, 2012 11:01 am

      I’m embarrassed to admit how long I’ve been holding onto certain sports bras. I think they should come with expiration dates, like milk cartons.

  3. Katy permalink*
    June 4, 2012 5:11 pm

    I had a very similar experience. I thought I was an A my entire life…so color me shocked when I went in and they said I was a B. My friend who was with me was in disbelief. She was a B herself and didn’t see the similarities. But I bought a bunch of B bras and they fit perfectly. Now I’ve lost about 13 pounds and my boobs has shrunk back to A. It’s sad.

    • Jenny permalink*
      June 4, 2012 5:18 pm

      That’s the weird thing, all cups are not made equal, somehow! I don’t get it. I know other Ds and they LOOK like Ds. I feel like I’m RSVPing to the wrong party here.

  4. Kathleen permalink
    June 26, 2012 9:33 pm

    I am in LOVE with your dress. Love, love, love. Perfect for summer!

    I had the bra epiphany in 2006. I went to Intimacy at Phipps and they hooked me up with bras in the right size for every day wear. I now go back for fittings every year or so and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

    Let us know how the bra search goes at TJ Maxx. I’ve never thought to look there. I order some of mine online sometimes because the brands I like are always marked up in-store.

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